What it Says

When you hear my voice inside your head

what does it say

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Leaving day has come

Despite my best intentions

And fight.

First born Rhino is ready

But,

I am not.

I stand outside his room as he gathers the last of his items, folds a last of his just washed shirts and places it methodically into a suitcase.

I take a moment to stare at his bags, neatly arrayed three wide, incredulous. His most important possessions and clothes inside

waiting to be whisked away, with my most important possession

Is this really how it goes?

His smile, generous character, easygoing, affable, burgeoning sense of who he is

All of it

Is saying goodbye, tonight.

And, while I am not ready

I do not have a choice in the matter.

Neil Gaiman wrote it best, when he said (roughly) ‘ the cruelest, most bitter irony of parenting is that if you do your job to completion,

your children say goodbye.

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J paces and braces upstairs

the echo of the speaker paints the stairwell

It’s go time.

I don’t know the best time to say this so I choose now, because, maybe, it’s what I want for him to do as well

choose now

be here

steady

alive

make your way into this world. All its pain, and struggle, and tears.

Remember where you came from.

I lean into him, tears streaking

when you hear my voice

remember what it says

that you are thoughtful

generous,

caring,

talented,

brave,

compassionate

and

you are loved.

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