Get Up Eight

Why in anyone’s right mind would someone choose to get up at this hour?

The dream is a bad one. 

Mercifully, the relentless hammering of my alarm interrupts its flow, demanding and redirecting my focus, draining the Sandman of power

I can’t quite put my finger on what the dream was about.

Weird

I almost always remember 

It was something about lack of control

And it was uncomfortable 

But that’s all I’ve got.

I roll my body over, heavy and numb with sinuses and chesty fatigue, and fumble to off the buzzing bee

Swing my legs over the side of the bed and stagger downstairs

What in the world are people who get up this early thinking?

I mumble and mutter through the matte black ground floor, and as if by Braille locate the slatted door switch

Hope this doesn’t wake anyone

The accordion door slowly, noisily retracts into the ceiling and I’m struck by the engineering marvel of it all.

I unlock and open the inner door, expecting a blast of too cold, too early, much too bitter air.

But instead, I’m comforted by a light caress, unexpected freshness.

I slide open our gate and leave the wet bag of trash just outside, ready for pickup, possibly by rats but hopefully by our dog walking friend, doing us a favor in these quarantine times.

Hope he gets here soon

And in that moment,

I pause 

To remember what it’s like to be outside. 

In the distance, a rooster crows, a dog barks.

But here, on this street, at this moment, 

There is nothing

A moment of clarity, 

of peace

And I know I’ve just answered my question.

We’re in day two of isolation when the doorbell rings.

I throw on my mask, unlock the door, and peer through the slats in our gate. The gentleman holds papers in his hand. There are only a few possibilities, having lived here for a couple years. A utility notice. Request for donations.

Or what I know is the reason he’s here.

I’ve got your COVID notice

I pick up, my Vietnamese limits straining

I thank him, take the paper and bring it inside.

The first page is exclusively in Vietnamese and looks official. I don’t really need to decode it yet. Pretty sure it’s telling me and the rest of the crew to stay home. Hunker down. I’m okay with that.

Why do they need 3 pages to tell me so?

Curious, I leaf through the rest of the pack and am surprised by what I see. A detailed list of every F0 positive case on our block. I scan the table, looking for Rhino’s name.

There he is

Turns out they’ve combined his first and first middle name into one, but it works. The list is 70 names long, and I’m amazed at the detail: names, addresses, number of people in the household who are F0

Wow, are expectations around medical privacy ever different in this part of the world.

Or maybe it’s just the times, worldwide, they are a changin’.

I wonder whether we should take comfort or be perturbed to know everyone on our block knows exactly which households are dealing with COVID.

**

There’s a pillar-style light that faces our street. Because we’ve been isolating, I haven’t seen the front in days.

So I’m surprised when I see the flash of reddish-pink.

Four corners, solidly taped in place

địa điểm đang thực hiện cach ly y te moi nguoi khong tiep xuc gan

And below, in English

Households with people quarantining please Do no make closre contact in order to prevent covid-19

Tuesday’s date hastily scrawled below

And my mind goes to plagues, and Monty Python, and scarlet letters.

bring out your dead

But then I remember, that living here is a choice.

At its heart, a collective sense of good.

There’s no question of it all, no ambiguity. And somewhat paradoxically, little evidence of blind adherence to authority. Vietnamese are not afraid to ask the questions.

But then, satisfied or not, they get in line.

They know.

That we are in this together. We have dealt with worse. We can trust those in charge.

And we can trust one another.

Despite the fact that numbers are up, that COVID is a steamroller, flattening the way

there’s no doubt of being ready to bounce back.

Rhino has always had allergies. 

Late night allergies. Enough of the time that I think nothing of it when he sniffles up, loading tissues like a t-shirt cannon.

We think it’s mostly dust, stirred up in the evenings when we turn the ceiling fan on in his room. The first couple minutes are fine but then once the dust hits his passage, he’s all sneezes, and snotty nose blows echo the stairwell. After a few minutes it passes, he sleeps, and the echoes fade.

This morning, before school starts, the allergies seem more pronounced. He creaks his way down the stairs, unleashing his superpower to get places…just…on…time. It’s almost time for him to get to school and I’m gently not so gently nudging him there.

My nose is still running

he comments, nonchalant

I think you’ll be okay boss 

I reply, equally nonchalant

He steps outside and makes his way to school, and I’m so grateful that he’s able to be on campus again. We are in an interminable stretch of distance learning bookended by long periods of lockdown

It’s wearing us all down

Case counts have been steadily rising, rising since April in fact, a long long weekend that was the patient zero in a country that had previously thought they had COVID licked.

But as we have found,

COVID licks back.

On this day, I’m unconcerned. Rhino’s twice vaccinated now, my worries around it are less.

Until I get the call

It’s the school nurse, she’s also a friend.

Why would she be calling me now

And that’s when I put it all together. The runny nose, the mid-morning call from the school health center.

This can’t be good.

He’s got one positive and one negative test so we need you to go and take him to the clinic for a PCR

Shit

Okay, thanks for letting me know. I’ll be over as soon as I can.

In an already challenging few months, 

I don’t know if I’m ready for this.

But I have a reputation, whether in my own mind, or verifiable.

I step up.

And I’m good in a crisis.

At least that’s what I tell myself. 

And as I round up Elephant, throw my layers on and hop on the bike to grab Rhino from school,

It’s all I need to hear.

The announcement arrives at 5pm

On a Friday.

I’m moments out of a 45-minute plus 30-minute avalanche of info, parent meeting plus internal logistics of safely reopening.

An exhausting week of planning, replanning, planning again. Managing the safe reentry of 450 kids in the midst of of a pandemic is no longer easy. It probably never was.

I’m hopeful. And ready.

I slowly reach down to lace up my boots and extend my left leg, trying to get a stretch in before footie. 

Looks wet out there

I pause and try to decide whether to tie my shoes now or later. For some reason I’ve never felt compulsive about tying before walking. Something in me likes the flip flap of loose string trailing behind in the grass.

I’m halfway out the door when I remember my mask

Probably need that

I step into the cool evening, mind overloaded and spilling over, when I see the arc of the ball.

I pick up my pace, ready to forget about school and life for a while and just kick things, when Mr. T says a quick hello and holds up his phone

I got a letter from the government.

Suddenly Chuck D takes over

…the other day, I opened and read it, it said they were suckers. They wanted me for their army or whatever

But am quickly jolted back to reality as he, not Chuck, informs me

It’s not good

I see the official stamp and detailed paragraphs in what appears to be some sort of government comm

We will not open Monday.

What?

I pause, waiting for him to say he’s just kidding

The letter just arrived in my email. No schools in Hanoi will open Monday for grades 1-6.

So.

Uh-huh.

I pause and wait for this turn of events to sink

Huh.

So it goes, in these COVID times. We sit. And wait. And wonder about the best way forward.

That ball is going to get knocked tonight.

Crust. 

That’s the best way to describe the feeling the exposed parts of your face take on. They become crust.

An unrelentingly cold prairie morning, sun blazing, rapping my mittens against the tetherball pole to see how the flakes of ice would shatter, then slither.

I am so f***ing cold

But fully awake, and this world, though frozen, is alive.

My nose runs, but not for long. Any kind of production or flow halted by -23. Stuck on my lip until I return to the sudden blast of central heating

**

Which, by the way, doesn’t exist here.

I step outside and straddle the motorbike, shimmy and shake it back towards the gate

This cold hits different

For one, the drops of rain come at an angle. Being February, this is no Moldy March mist.

This is real rain. And humid, soak-you-to-the-bones cold.

I’m equally grateful for my waterproof poncho and the warmth of elephant as he snuggles in behind. Behind him perches Rhino. Three abreast is pretty much the norm here.

We do not appear out of place.

Papa

Rhino’s voice skirts the wind

Did you know that our senses are unable to distinguish between cold and wet?

Cool 

I think

But in this moment it doesn’t matter which one we’re talking about.

As we ride, Snowpiercer chills take me.

This may have been a mistake

But the boys, as ever, remain unphased. Not even a sniff of whinge.

So grateful for these two

We meander, as motorbikes do here, rarely cresting 40. I’m okay with that, even though it extends the chill.

Today would have been a good day to wear goggles.

I debate digging into the boys’ bag for swim goggles, but numb handed gymnastics so my helmet can fit over top of the goggles and masks is just too much.

I tweeze drops out of my eyes, secretly yearning for summer days that everyone complains are too hot.

J’s voice finds its way to my ears

Life is simply preparing to die so we know best how to live

Her words vibrato as knuckles clench, ice fuels rain, puddles leap at my feet. 

I’m so very cold, but fully awake.

My boys are close

and the world feels alive.

I breeze past the woman straining to hoist the baby onto her back, weighing whether it makes sense to stop and help.

nah

She’ll be fine

And as I catch a glimpse of her in my rear view, doing just that.

I remember Rhino and Elephant, gently snuggling them in, at different times, to the baby carrier, preparing to hike

It feels so undeniably fresh

I am Right. There. Now. In my mind.

And I have a moment of realization

we’ll never do that again

And it is sad

And so, I know that I must write about it

---

And so, here I am.

For the 31st time this past 31 days. Today with a sense of finality. And affirmation, that what we have done here is packaged up and presented tiny gifts to our future selves.

I know I’ll be back

Perhaps as a curious observer to my history, perhaps as host.

Most likely as both.

A spectator to my past self, an inspiration to future.

J pointed out, early in this journey, to keep a key question in mind.

who are you writing for

And while at its heart, I know it’s been me

It’s been nice to have company along the way

I’m starting to understand displacement!

I think I’m getting these ideas

Rhino sits, ensconced on the couch in the fuzzy blue blanket, laptop atop lap, trailing the single earbud anchored in his left ear. Staring, as ever, at the screen. Typing away.

This is the brave new world for today’s high school frosh.

I’m kind of old school, and so accordingly commence my dadsplaining.

You should write them down

if you use a pencil and paper, you’ll be more likely to retain them, they’ll stick better for the test. Why don’t you sit over at the desk so you can set up with a pencil and paper, so you can write them down.

He hesitates, and gives me a confident, if dismissive, wave.

I’ve got this, papa. I’m understanding it.

I walk out of the room with a roll of my eyes. It’s a conversation we’ve had many times and deep down, we both know I’m right

Ha.

So, naturally, being right, it is my duty to get the last words in.

I’m marking these words, we’ll see how the test goes. Definitely marking these words.

And, as I head down the stairs, almost out of earshot, I hear his reply

You should write them down

Three

the holy trinity, the rule of thirds

a magic number

---

The boys squat, face forward, together

but they look in different directions

One left, one right, and the third, straight down.

Two older gentlemen, only their feet visible behind the boys, share a smoke and lean on their motorbikes

being the fourth and fifth in this scene, they’re irrelevant.

This one is about the young.

The three.

---

Batman, the vigilante, ready to take arms, defend his brothers, fight for justice. Towel over shoulder, wide brim shadowing, bare knees hovering over sandals, eyebrows raised, at attention

heads up, boys

Ting, he’s all glue, calm reserve. Prepared for what’s to come and confident in his plan. He rests, elbows atop knees. Checkered mask secured to his ear and readied under his chin. The centre of attention, he radiates out. There’s a plan, and intent, and purpose, with Ting.

we’re good

He knows he’s cool.

And Sport?

Well, now, Sport.

He’s the wild card. Offering the best protection and the greatest warmth. Head bowed, but he’s not broken. He picks at his nail idly, hood enveloping his thoughts, just heating up for the next act. He’s the source of comfort. And comic relief.

make me laugh, Sport

---

The boys squat, facing forward, together

But they look in different directions

And.

As I take in this three,

so awake,

so here,

so now

I realize that there was a time

when I knew what they know

when I saw what they see

---

So,

again

I slow down

take a breath,

and try to decide whose gaze I should follow

It’s been a misty, socked-in week. Air is moist, closets are musty. The sun and moon lie hidden, dormant.

I miss the sun and moon

It’s less a storefront and more a room, inside a house

down a quiet lane, just off a quiet lane, down another quiet lane

it’s a bit hidden,

but there’s treasure within.

I pedal slowly, down our tree-lined street. It skirts a lagoon, riddled with trash but somehow also layered with green, and life, and beauty

gotta see the good

Our shopping bike with two glass containers lining the basket makes its way down to Mr. Hoang’s.

I pass a neighbour, greens overflowing his arms, the leash to his pup straining

He barks an order to the dog

She doesn’t bark back.

I arrive just outside the metal gate, bend down and peer through the keyhole. Give a quick rap, and hear his footsteps.

He welcomes me in and we traverse the steps into his shop.

His kiosk / living room / acupuncture studio / gym is no bigger than a luxury bathroom. Posters outlining meridians affixed neatly on the wall, a couple massage tables snug up to the walls at right angles. A cold stone floor under his sandals.

Today, I’m about the nuts, but I’m curious about the acupuncture.

I could use a boost in chi

I ask after an appointment.

He takes the two glass cylinders from my bag, gently unrolls the paper sacks, and pours them in. One filled with almonds, the other cashews.

His hands are careful, measured.

I cannot treat you for acupuncture today

Are you available this week?

I explain that I’m working, daytime is difficult.

It would be best for you to come in the middle of the day

The best treatment lines up with the sun and moon.

He smiles, and I do too.

I know I’ve come to the right place.

I love anything from Oliver Jeffers, he manages to fit so much between the pages of a picture book. Joy, without cliche.

Today I feel stuck, my kite up a tree

Inert, rigid, slothlike, fixed.

---

I should all over myself, tell myself that what’s happening isn’t good enough, that I need to be a productive member of society, a better parent

but that voice isn’t helpful, and it’s no help in getting me unstuck

---

But, if we’re thinking like Oliver,

maybe there’s a way out.

I take a step, tossing my shoe, hat, a friend’s bicycle

Small boats and big boats

Orangutans and lighthouses.

Nothing seems to work.

My kite is still stuck.

Just then

Elephant walks up, snuggles in, book in hand, no agenda other than being

Here, now

So.

Instead of pushing, and tossing, and flailing away

I think it’s best I take a step back, draw in, take a breath,

and let the wind do its work